every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize