Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
