I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
