Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
