im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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