She's JV to your varsity
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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