I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
