oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
