You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
