How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
