You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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