yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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