wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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