some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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