i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
