who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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