i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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