I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
