we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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