I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
