Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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