I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize