last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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