That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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