So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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