I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
