I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
