I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
A+ Viking dick
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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