We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
