How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
