Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
