I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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