tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
