awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
