So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
