so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
