im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
