there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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