We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
this just has baby written all over it
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
