It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
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He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
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I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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