i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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