do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
