It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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