Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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