he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
