I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
