then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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