Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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