if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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