Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
