She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
