She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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