Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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