apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Boobs speak an international language.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
