the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
