girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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