well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize