pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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