Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
