I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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