I wish I could teleport
Where did you get a picture of my penis
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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