Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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