I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I party with great urgency now.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
