I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
