naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
