Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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