am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
