youre lurking in front of me
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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