you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
